Voldie and the Crew
by cherrycool
Summary: The Death Eaters were gathered in the kitchen, attempting to make Christmas lunch for the Dark Lord. “For the last time, I am not putting the stuffing up there!” whined Wormtail. Voldy and the gang, please R&R! No slash
1. Christmas Cheer

I got bored, so here's some random two in the morning waffle ... Its a oneshot at the moment, but could develop, pending on reviews... ;)

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It was Christmas Morning, and all was quiet at Death Eater Mansion. Lord Voldemort was in his office, hurriedly writing some last minute Christmas cards, and the Death Eaters were gathered in the kitchen, attempting to make Christmas lunch.

"For the last time, I am not putting the stuffing up there!" whined Wormtail.

"For Merlin's sake, Wormtail, it's a dead bird, just get on with it," snarled Lucius, wiping his hands on his pink apron.

Wormtail pouted and, his expression full of revulsion, he grabbed a squelchy handful of stuffing and quickly shoved it … where it was supposed to go.

"See, that wasn't too hard, was it?" smiled Bellatrix sweetly, painting her nails.

"Well then, you can do it next time," grumbled Wormtail.

"Enough!" ordered Lucius. "Bella, chop these carrots. Dolohov, peel these potatoes. Rookwood, boil the cabbage. Avery, dice this onion."

"But onions make me cry!" complained Avery.

"So does the Cruciatrus Curse," warned Lucius, waving his wand threateningly.

"Fine," grumbled Avery.

"I'm afraid I'm rather busy, Lucius," said Bellatrix airily, examining her nails to make sure the polish was even.

"That colour doesn't suit you, it clashes with your hair," stated Lucius disapprovingly. "Now get chopping!"

Many tantrums, complaints, and Crucio's later, the Death Eaters had finally managed to concoct a decent Christmas dinner, under the supervision of expert chef Lucius.

"You know, sometimes I think the Dark Lord only keeps you around because you can cook," taunted Bellatrix as she set the table.

"Nonsense, Bella!" snapped Lucius. "You know I'm his stylist as well!"

"Avery, in the name of Merlin is wrong with you?" Snape had just entered, and was gazing at Avery with a mixture of disgust and amusement. Avery was rolling around on the ground, beating the floor with his fists and bawling his eyes out.

"Its – its these – these stupid … onions!" he cried, sobbing into his hands.

"For the love of the Dark Lord, Avery, there's only one!"

"I know, I know, but – but it – it's opened the floodgates! Once I start crying I c - can't stop!" And he burst into hysterical tears.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Crybaby," he muttered.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from the corner; Crabbe and Goyle had run into each other and sent a large chocolate cake flying through the air.

"MY CAKE!" screeched Lucius in horror, falling to his knees.

"Oh dear," said Snape sardonically.

"The poor cake!" wailed Avery, breaking into fresh sobs.

"You idiots just ruined my new robes!" yelled Bellatrix, her eyes flashing angrily.

"You know what that looks like?" commented Peter conversationally, inspecting large lumps of misshapen brown fudge.

"And what exactly is going on here?"

The Death Eaters whipped around upon hearing the voice of their master and bowed.

"I await an answer," said Lord Voldemort calmly. "What is going on?"

"M – My Lord," stammered Nott. "We were simply trying to make you a beautiful Christmas feast to enjoy –"

"But these idiots ruined my cake!" interrupted Lucius angrily.

"Now, now, Lucius," said Voldemort reprovingly. "Christmas is a time for joy!"

"But – but my lord – the cake, now we have no dessert –"

"Do not fear, Lucius, Lord Voldemort is here!"

"Oh here we go," muttered Snape.

"For when there's trouble around, the Dark Lord will be found! Never fear, Voldemort is here! As long as we stick together, we will make it through this stormy weather! Come on, everybody!"

"And if we help each other out," sang the Death Eaters wearily, "there will be no need to pout."

Voldemort pointed at Lucius with his wand.

"Simply yell out my name," recited Lucius irritably. "And I will save the day,"

"Bella!" cried Voldemort.

"I'll hurry to your side with haste," said Bellatrix through clenched teeth, "for there is no time to waste."

"Excellent, Wormtail!"

"With my wand at the ready!" sang Wormtail eagerly. "I'm here, I'm your buddy!"

"All together again!" cried Voldemort happily.

"For we are the Death Eaters," they sang obediently, "the mighty mighty Death Eaters, we kill and we torture, but with each other, we love and treasure!"

Voldemort, who had been conducting them with his wand, stopped with a sigh and wiped his eyes. "Music to my ears," he said fondly. "I'm going to go and deliver these Christmas cards," he added, sweeping out of the room, humming under his breath.

"Treasure doesn't even rhyme with torture," said Yaxley irritably.

"_I'll hurry to your side with haste, for there is no time to waste …"_

"Wormtail, put a sock in it!" yelled Lucius.

"_With my wand at the ready, I'm here, I'm your buddy …"_

"Wormtail!"

"_We are the Death Eaters, the mighty might Death Eaters …"_

"Wormtail if you don't shut up I'm going to stuff you instead of the turkey!"

… Silence.

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Let me know what you think!


	2. Save it for a Rainy day

**Decided to throw up another chapter, but I'd really appreciate some reviews! Pretty please:D**

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**Save it for a Rainy Day**.

It was a rainy afternoon at Death Eater Mansion. Thunder boomed overhead, and lightning illuminated the stormy grey skies.

"I'm booored," moaned Wormtail, gazing longingly out the window.

The other Death Eaters murmured their agreement.

"Lets play a game?" suggested Avery.

"Such as?" snapped Lucius. "Gobstones and chess are two player games, Avery."

"How about Hide and Seek?" piped up Amycus Carrow.

"Hide … and … _Seek_?" repeated Snape disdainfully. "We're Death Eaters, Carrow, do you really think anyone here will want to play Hide and –"

"I do!" cried Avery, sitting up.

"Me too!" squealed Wormtail eagerly.

"I'm not on!" said Dolohov, scrambling to the door.

"Me neither!" shouted Jugson, hurrying after him.

There was a scramble for the door, which resulted in Wormtail being on.

"That's not fair!" he complained. "I'm always It!"

"You snooze, you lose, Wormtail," scorned Bellatrix, crossing her arms. "You're It."

Snape sighed heavily. "I'll go see if the Dark Lord wants to play, shall I?" He hurried out of the room and up the stairs, knocking on the door bearing a plaque that said, "Tom's Room."

There was a pause. "Come in – er – Lucius!"

Snape cleared his throat loudly.

"I mean, Severus, of course, come in Severus!"

Snape rolled his eyes and entered the room, arranging his features into a falsely cheerful expression. "Oh well done, Master, how did you know it was me!"

"Ah," said Lord Voldemort, winking. "A true evil dictator does not reveal his secrets!"

"Of course, Master, of course. Master, myself and the rest of the Death Eaters have decided to play Hide and Seek, and we were wondering if would like to join us? That is," he added hurriedly. "If you are not too busy with far more important matters, such as new ways to dispose of the Boy."

Lord Voldemort scowled. "No, Snape, I would gladly join you in your game. I need a break from devising new means of getting rid of The Boy Who Simply Won't Die."

Snape laughed loudly. "Oh good one, Master, good one!"

Voldemort looked pleased. "It was rather … yes, well, Hide and Seek, Snape, let us play!" And he hurried eagerly down the stairs. With a mutinous look at his Master's retreating back, Snape followed.

"My Lord," said Lucius, bowing elegantly as Voldemort entered the room.

"Lucius, who is 'It'?" queried Voldemort eagerly.

"Wormtail has agreed to –"

"I was forced to," muttered Womrtail mulishly.

"Alright, count to fifty, then, Wormtail!" cried Lord Voldemort eagerly.

Looking mutinous, Wormtail turned to face the wall, closing his eyes and beginning to count. "One … two … three … "

Quickly, the Death Eaters scampered off in various directions. Jugson squeezed into the cupboard under the sink, Rabastan ran upstairs to hide under his bed, and Nott jumped on his broomstick and hovered above Wormtail.

"Quick, Snape!" whispered Voldemort as Wormtail reached twenty nine. "Where shall we hide?"

Snape glanced around the room quickly; Avery and Dolohov were behind the couch, and Bellatrix and Rodolphus had clambered into the closet.

"Er – I'm not sure my Lord. How about …" he trailed off uncertainly.

"Thirty five … thirty six … thirty seven …"

"Quickly, My Lord, behind the curtains!"

"Ah! Yes, perfect, Snape!"

They hurried behind a long, heavy velvet curtain each, just in time.

"Fort eight … forty nine … fifty!"

Wormtail turned around, wand out, and instantly found Crabbe and Goyle, who were sitting on the ground with a rug over their heads, guffawing. Goyle ripped it off looking very annoyed. Wormtail continued through to the kitchen. He thought he could hear a muffled giggle, but where was it coming from? The sink! Wormtail opened the cupboard door with a flick of his wand and discovered Jugson chuckling to himself under he sink. He looked most displeased to see Wormtail's grumpy face peering down at him.

"Damn you, rat," grumbled Jugson.

Wormtail looked everywhere he could think of, stumbling across a rather busy Bellatrix and Rodolphus in a closet in the living room.

"My eyes!" screamed Wormtail, falling to the floor and rolling around in agony. "Oh Merlin's beard, I'm scarred, scarred for life! Nightmares, I'll have nightmares!"

"Get out of it, rat!" snarled Bellatrix, slamming the door shut again with a snap. "Tell the Dark Lord we're not playing anymore!"

"Come on, Wormtail," grumbled Avery, who had been discovered behind the couch. "You still haven't found Nott, Snape, or the Dark Lord."

As a matter of fact, Wormtail, and indeed the rest of the Death Eaters, had spotted Lord Voldemort long ago. The large, gleefully giggling bulge from behind the curtain was not difficult to see. However, Wormtail rather valued his one remaining hand too much to risk finding his master first.

"Er – yes … the Dark Lord …" Wormtail cast a theatrical, overly dramatic, puzzled look around the room, his eyes sweeping over the two lumps behind the curtains. "Where ever could he be?"

The bulge to the left giggled while the one on the right didn't even bother to conceal an irritated sigh.

"Where the devil is that blasted Nott?" muttered Wormtail angrily. The other Death Eaters helped Wormtail in his search, aware of the consequences for all of them if the Dark Lord did not win Hide and Seek.

Nott was still hovering gleefully above all of them, lying right down along the handle of his broomstick so he could press as close to the ceiling as possible. However, upon realising what would happen if he won, he decided, glumly, to allow himself to be found.

He gave a very loud, pronounced cough. Several heads shot up, and Wormtail screeched in delight, hopping up and down eagerly.

"Oh no," sighed Nott, rolling his eyes as he lowered himself to the ground. "Wormtail. You have found me. I lose."

A gleeful giggle sounded from the curtain, hastily (and unsuccessfully) stifled.

"Yes, but we still have to find the Dark Lord," said Wormtail loudly.

"He is too good at hiding," said Lucius in a bored tone, following Wormtail's lead.

"We will never find him," agreed Dolohov monotonously.

"This is it Snape!" hissed Voldemort eagerly to the curtain beside him. "We've won!"

"Of course," replied Snape, not bothering to lower his voice. "You are the master of disguise, my Lord."

Voldemort burst forth suddenly, his snake like face beaming with glee.

The Death Eaters hurriedly arranged their expressions into ones of utmost shock, and Amycus Carrow even pretended to faint.

"My Lord!" gasped Dolohov, holding a hand to his heart. "You gave us such a fright!"

"I'm sorry, Dolohov," said Voldemort, winking. "But I'm simply too good for you to have noticed me!"

"Oh indeed, my Lord," agreed the Death Eaters, bowing their heads.

"Oh look!" said Voldemort, pointing out the window. "The rain has stopped! Well, in that case, I think a spot of target practice is in order!"

The Death Eaters froze, looking nervously at one another.

"So," continued Voldemort, taking out his wand. "Who wants to be Harry Potter this time?"

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**Please review:D**


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